Monday, May 2, 2011

Interesting, partly true things about becoming 'Swedish'

I can agree with many of these things and find it amusing...

you know you have lived in sweden too long when:

1. a stranger on the street smiles at you, you assume:
a: he is drunk
b: he is insane
c: he's an american
d: he's all of the above
2. you make fun of tourists.
3. you can pick out the real blondes from the fake blondes.
4. you decide to honor the eco-friendly toilets and only use the full flush option when it's really needed.
5. your coffee consumption exceeds 6 cups a day and coffee is too weak if there is less than 10 scoops per pot.
6. you greet everyone in the room by simply saying your name while giving a quick handshake.
7. the first thing you do upon entering a bank/post office/drugstore etc. is to look for the queue number machine.
8. you accept that you have to queue to take a queue number.
9. the reason you take the ferry to finland is:
a: duty free vodka
b: duty free beer
c: to party need to get off the boat in helsinki, just turn around and do it again on the way back to sweden.
10. you hear loud-talking passengers on the train. you immediately assume:
a: they are drunk
b: they are not swedish
c: all of the above
11. you know how to fix herring in 105 different ways.
12. you can barely get in the front door because of all the shoes.
13. you own a volvo.
14. it no longer seems excessive to spend 1,000kr on alcohol in a single night.
15. you have only two facial expressions, smiling or blank.
16. you've don't think it's weird for a couple to be engaged for four years and have no plans to get married.
17. you assume that anyone who apologizes after bumping into you is a tourist.
18. you get into a mercedes taxi cab and think nothing of it.
19. you think it is normal EVERYTHING is regulated and you obey the rules voluntarily.
20. hearing the words f*ck on daytime tv or the radio seems perfectly normal.
21. pigs say ”nerf nerf”, frogs say ”kvack, kvack” and roosters say ”kuckeliku.”
22. you know that ”extrapris” goods are cheaper, even though your english mind translates the word as ”extra price."
23. you think horse meat is a totally acceptable sandwich topping.
24. you are no longer offended by the fact that you are a swedish size XL when at "home" you are a medium.
25. you say “i’m almost annoyed” when you’re as furious as humanly possible.
26. a 25 % sales tax on just about everything is no big deal.
27. VD is the boss, not something you need to get medical treatment for.
30. you can use bra, fart, and slut in the same sentence without giggling.
31. you refer to weeks by their number.
32. it is your birthday and you accept that YOU have to plan the entertainment, make the food and the cake.
33. you know that "fan" is a swearword, and not an admirer or an air conditioner.
34. you are no longer surprised when you see full-frontal male nudity in a commercial or on TV.
35. you think an hour and a half cycle on your washing machine is a "quick wash".
36. your shed becomes the first stage in the recycling process and you can't get in it for bags of paper/cardboard/bottles, refundable glass/plastic, recyclable glass/plastic/ containers/etc.
37. a sharp intake of breath has become part of your vocabulary, as has the sound 'ahh'.
38. you associate Friday afternoon with a trip to system bolaget. (liquor store)
39. your native language has seriously deteriorated; you begin to "eat medicine" and "hire videos".
40. you use mmmm as a conversation filler.
41. you eat your pancakes and waffles with jam instead of syrup.
42. you stay in watching swedish tv even though you cannot understand a word they are saying.

1 comment:

  1. i read every single one of them :P so after reading all these, should i still consider going to sweden?! :)